If achieving success meant gaining 50 pounds, would you? I did. Here is what I discovered.
(* 50 *)
It was a Instagram post by prolific ebook podcaster Zibby Owens who pointed out to me that for most people my present existence is just a thought experiment.
The first image my son took of me holding this trophy was so horribly unflattering that I still feel terrible about it. … We girls can always find an approach to fighting, right? I’m curious: would you want to reach 20 pounds if that meant profitable rewards and doing something personally and professionally rewarding? How about 30 kilos ?! Be sincere. Think about it.
But I didn’t just have to think about it. I really realized it.
During my annual physique in 2018, I finally admitted all the signs of hopelessness that I had felt for years, including a deep disinterest in participating in my life, frequent ruminations, excessive irritability and a state of unrelenting restlessness. . My doctor prescribed Lexapro for me, and sooner than that long I felt like a new person. I couldn’t consider that I hadn’t tried the remedy earlier. I was so nervous about all the potential drawbacks I had heard of: feeling like a zombie, gaining weight. But it really helped me feel emotions again instead of feeling nothing. It has given life back value.
My writing was higher than ever because I felt artistic and motivated. A few months after the treatment, I received a six figure ebook deal from a Big Five writer for my first ebook. I was surprised. It was a dream come true. In addition, my marriage has started to improve. The remedy made me much more pleasant to live with. The money I was making meant we stopped fighting for funds. Our sex life was now almost as good because it was before we had three children.
But the remedy also made me hungry. the. time.
Every day was a battle with my brain telling me to always eat, telling me I was hungry. Each day I ate a little more than I wanted. I started to gain weight.
This year my ebook received incredible reviews and accolades: Apple Books named it a must-listen audiobook; Amazon selected it as the best book of 2021 and as an editor’s choice in the past. It’s a good promotion and I’m getting invitations to speak at eBook festivals across the country. I am achieving qualified success beyond what I had ever imagined potential, but I weigh 50 kilograms more than when I started treatment. I went from bar 12 to 16.
I love Zibby and all the superb work she does for the authors on her “Moms Don’t Have Time to Read” podcast. She was one of the first vocal champions in my ebook and I am forever grateful to her for that, especially as a first writer. Zibby told me that this post was motivated by his personal experience with gaining weight while achieving professional success. Her award-winning podcast, she unveiled an anthology this year and already has another ebook on the way. The photo her son took of her with her award statue presented her face to face with her biggest physique and success.
This compromise is a compromise that many people would not choose for themselves. But since I’m really used to buying and selling slimness in order to be successful, I’m here to say it again: being fat and happy is so much better than being skinny and depressing.
At first, I too was afraid of growing up. After the first 20 pounds, I tried switching to an antidepressant that is unrelated to weight gain. My craving for food returned to normal, but the remedy gave me horrible sleeplessness, which made me extremely irritable. I had to admit the drug wasn’t a great match. I made the conscious choice to favor psychological well-being over thinness.
It’s an attention-grabbing perspective to think about the trade-off between fat and success, especially since our tradition equates thinness with success. There is definitely one thing to be said for having frank conversations about vanity and the physical image, but all too often these conversations forget that there are real people living in life that others cannot. think about living. Real people who really feel real judgment. When you reveal your fatphobia, you are presenting to me precisely how you feel about my physique. If you don’t love me when I’m fat, you don’t really love me.
What Are We Really Concerning About Fat? I guess it’s the judgment of others that we fear more than the overweight itself.
The measurement of my physique did not change my thoughts or my personality: my curiosity, my compassion or my intelligence. I am the same person I was before I put on weight. The only factor that is changed is the way society views me. People make assumptions about my worth and my reputation because of my overweight. In our tradition, fat individuals are presumed to be lazy and lacking in self-control. We are thought to be unhealthy and don’t care about ourselves. But it’s time to remove these outdated and incorrect stereotypes. It’s not obesity that’s unhealthy for your well-being, it’s the big phobia.
“When the focus is on body weight and size, it’s not ‘obesity’ that hurts people. It is the fear of their bodies that exposes them to diabetes, heart disease, discrimination, bullying, eating disorders, sedentary lifestyle, permanent discomfort in their body and even death. premature, ”wrote Linda Bacon and Amee Severson. in Scientific American.
I would say it is about knowing what is more stigmatized by our society: overweight or psychological illness.
Both are seen as personal failures that we have full management of. COVID-19 pandemic has precipitated many people to develop anxiety and depression. It also caused a lot of us to put on weight. In an ideal world, this could result in better understanding and less judgment on each of these.
For me, seeing how simple it was to gain weight made me face my own internalized fat phobia. I now deal with people of all sizes with much more grace. But instead of soul-searching, people are just as eager (maybe a lot more?) To demonize fat and encourage speed. loss of those “extra” pounds.
Seeing how easy it was to gain weight made me confront my own phobia of internalized fat.
a trial in the New York Times last month he went so far as to say that you have to stop being in contact with people who are fat and / or depressed because you could get these horrible ailments. “Depressed friends increase your risk of being depressed, obese friends increase your risk of becoming obese,” wrote writer Kate Murphy. The essay has since been edited to eliminate this extremely egocentric and superficial view of friendship. If that’s how you guess, I wouldn’t have to be your boyfriend anyway.
In case the stigma of psychological illness is not enough, use of antidepressants can also be frowned upon, humiliated and questioned. I don’t see my need for a cure as a weak point. It is a love letter to my family and associates, to myself, to life. We do not expect people with epilepsy to forgo treatment; why is psychological illness completely different? People like to let you know that the train will fix both your overweight and your desperation. But it is not that easy. Without my remedy, I would have no interest in going for a walk, doing yoga, or enjoying Just Dance with my kids.
Something I realized earlier in my life overcoming messy drinking and body hatred as a ballet dancer is that my body is superior by any measure and I should be happy with everything. that it is, don’t waste a lot of time languishing for what it isn’t. The issues my physique has caused – from pointe dancing and five-fold spins to childbirth and breastfeeding three children – I wouldn’t trade them for a smaller body.
Do I like my unmistakable physique all the time? Of course not. Does anybody? But I refuse to apologize for the magnitude of my physique. Your downside with my physique is your downside, not mine. It might sound cheesy, but life’s too fast to be lean until I live my life to the fullest. I am fat and fulfilled.
Olivia Campbell’s work has appeared in The Atlantic, The Cut, Good Housekeeping, History, Salon, The Guardian, and Literary Hub, among others. Her first ebook, “Women in White Coats: How the First Women Doctors Changed the World of Medicine,” was released in March 2021.
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